I came across a blog post from a June McCullough that struck a chord of familiarity with me. The sense I get from her writings is one of a survivor working on numerous wounds that are still present. She is writing a book and states that when a memory surfaces that the words just flow. It is in those moments that she must them write down. This is the cord of familiarity that I am talking about.
While the wounds in her life are none of my business, I wish her all the best that G-d has in store for her. In her blog post entitled, “Married to Jezebel: It’s All About Control” she writes several things that resonated with me. I have attached a copy of her blog post to this if you wish too read it for yourself.
The first point that caused a memory to surface is when she asked the question, “why do women stay?” . She boils all the reasoning down to a singular word, “fear”. While fear is a natural response in all human beings, it is taken to the extreme. She admits, and I agree with, that sometimes men stay for the same reason.
What extreme am I talking about? There are things in this world that we depend upon. It is when it is used as a means of control that fear is ramped up to a level it is not supposed to be, that abuse is not far behind. This shows that the relationship is not based on mutual respect.
Steve Sampson, author of two very well written books (Confronting Jezebel and Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Ahab) puts it all in plain English. Picture this: someone enters your life who will bend over backwards to do anything for you. They may buy you gifts, lunch, watch your children, cook for you, detail your car, or even give you money. Sounds like a real asset right? Maybe. Unless the flip side of all that giving comes with a hefty price. Before you know it, this once angelic person begins to throw it in your face the moment you do not comply with their wishes. Suppose while engaged in conversation you disagree with them (especially publicly), you’re subjected to the silent treatment for days or weeks on end? What if you find yourself suddenly faced with the threat of all those gifts (some of which you’ve probably become dependent upon) being no longer available to you. If you are inclined to keep going along to get along just to keep the peace, then you may be carrying the biblical “Ahab” spirit, and your friend, spouse, family member, boss or employee, male or female, is probably a Jezebel!
Does this sound familiar? Do you know anyone like this? It is of little wonder why people who have escaped from this tend to have an extreme emotional reaction at the beginning of their recovery. The bible states that men are the spiritual head of the house. When men fail to lead, women assume that role. When men try to step up the Jezebel’s often accuse them of all sorts of things. Please notice I said men. I didn’t say mama’s boy or abusive jerks. A man recognizes the value a woman brings to the table. Conflicts are generated through a perceived loss of power and control.
What is often hard for people outside the relationship to grasp is that these conflicts are often held in a private setting. The Jezebel’s depend upon the public being blissfully unaware of who they truly are and what they are truly after.
My own parents were fooled by such tactics. They happened to walk into a particularly vicious fight between my ex-wife and I. What they witnessed shocked them to the core. The loss of the power of perception was too much for my ex-wife to bear. Luckily for me it was the beginning of my road to recovery. Admittedly, I didn’t feel all that great about it.
Several years later I joined a messianic group at a local Assembly of God church in Wichita Falls. The leader was a single woman who had never been married. In her own words she admits she came across as a man. Here she didn’t know the first thing about being in a committee relationship where disagreements are welcomed. In fact she hates that anyone disagreed with her on any issue at anytime. Jezebel’s and Ahab’s can be found everywhere. Knowing what to look for is key to your survival in a world that loves lies.